My browser’s home page is set to igoogle, which has many personalized things on it, including my horoscope. My “horror scope” for today says the following:
“You might be a little freaked out today if others are expecting you to jump in and take control of a situation in a manner that makes you feel uncomfortable. But there could be too much at stake for you to say no, so you may have to fire up your self-confidence and take charge. Still, it’s important to know that this isn’t an all-or-nothing deal; you can step into your power a little bit at a time.”
Taking charge seems to be something I have to do every day. Being a single mother, lately I feel like the attitude towards single mothers, and even women in general, has deteriorated. Occasionally, I feel isolated and abandoned on some desert island, all alone with a child, having to juggle everything at once and wear many different hats. I don’t do it for recognition or glory, but because it’s necessary and it’s my life.
I’m confused by the criticism that’s occurred lately in the media towards single mothers. People like Ann Coulter have made a lot of people very angry, including me. However, I don’t plan on writing a hate letter to Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, or anyone else who wants to insult single mothers and their children. I would just like to understand why they throw so much blame our way and find out where they’ve gotten the crazy idea that we chose this life for ourselves.
Ann Coulter stated, “[a]nd one beautiful example of this my, my chapter two of the book, is the exultation of single motherhood. It, it’s promoted in the New York Times and all the glossy women’s magazines and Hollywood movies. And we now know, after 30 years of promoting single motherhood, of the courts destroying the institute of marriage, that children raised without fathers are filling up the prisons, are 70 percent of the teenage runaways, of, of teenage pregnancies, of rapists.”
But again, I’m confused. Ann Coulter’s logic is based on values and judgments from at least 60-75 years ago. If that’s the case, wouldn’t that make Ann, who is unmarried and has no children, a spinster and an old maid? If we move the calendar forward a bit, based on Ann’s party’s supposed family values stand, she would be a virgin, because conservatives don’t have sex outside of marriage, right? I don’t see Ann embracing the role of poster girl for abstinence for her party, and since she makes generalized judgments based on, well, not much of anything really, I’ll make one for her. Ann, those cocktail dresses you insist on wearing on the morning talk shows does not whisper “abstinence” or “virgin” to any of us. I’m very curious if Ann has ever had a pregnancy scare or been late and had to do the ‘what if’ discussion in her head?
Two of our most recent presidents were sons of single mothers. No one needs to produce a laundry list of the accomplishments of the children of single mothers. Perhaps statistics might even support Coulter’s claim that the majority of prisoners were raised by single mothers. However, does that give anyone the right to criticize a single mother and say that she does not deserve respect?
During my custody trial, there was a case before me where a mother was attempting to restrict the visitation of her son’s father because he had a tendency for violence and she was worried about the safety of her baby if he was left alone with him. The judge turned to the mother with a confused look on his face and said, “If you were so worried about what type of father he’d make, why did you have sex with him and get pregnant?” In fact, during my own trial, while I was discussing being left alone to raise my son and wondering why a man can step back into a child’s life 10 years later and fight me for custody, the same judge told me, “You chose him, now you get to live with your choice.”
Sometimes, there really are no words. It still amazes me that so many people think this way, especially someone like a family law judge, who has so much power over women’s lives. The pictures of a typical American family these days look much different than a Norman Rockwell painting. I’m frustrated that this backwards way of thinking continues to be encouraged and applauded. Just as it appears like we’re moving forward and changing, someone makes sure to remind us how much we’ve remained the same.
